Just wanted to give an update.... after much waiting and praying each member of my family is once again employed. As my father would say, "Well praise the Lord."

God is working on so many things in my heart right now. Plucking out things that keep me from Him. Some days it is not so fun. Some days it is easier to see the blessing in this. I'm starting to see so much correlation between the way my kids act toward me and the way I act toward God, in good and bad ways. I'm starting to understand why kids act out sometimes, but also why they hold on so tightly. Sigh. I just pray that when I come out of the fire, I will be pure gold.

when it rains, it pours...

One of my dear, dear friends lost her father to cancer on Sunday. The funeral was today and I didn't think I was going to cry, but I did, like a baby. There were so many emotions going through me that all I knew to do was cry. I felt a terrible pain for Jodi and not even being able to imagine what she must be going through, grief for my grandaddy who's only been gone a month rose back to the surface, and then the waterworks really came when I thought about my own precious father and what I would do if I was in Jodi's place.

Tuesday was a difficult day. I found out that morning that Gretchen lost her job at Starbucks for a grave misunderstanding and mistake. The moment I found out it was like a kick in the gut. I lost it. I took my makeup to work that day because I knew it would probably get cried off at least once. And it did. Twice. This is the thing I hate about being grown up and not living at home - I had to sit on the phone and listen to my dear sister cry and only cry with her, I couldn't hug her and hold her tight. That was torture. I had a crisis of faith Tuesday. My head knew all the right answers - God is in control, All things work together for the good of those who love Him, He is still faithful and never lets us go, Rejoice when you are faced with trials because it will refine you, this is not a surprise to Him... blah blah blah... my head knew all that. It took the rest of the day for my heart to know it too. I talked to every member of my family that day. That was good. Thinking of Jodi and another friend who is unsure of their father's faith, I talked to my Dad that night and told him how much I loved him and was so glad to still have him and that I was so very grateful that he never lost his faith (at least to our eyes), that he was always there for us to trust and to trust that He was trusting the Lord. And in the pure humility that is my dad, even at this time when he has still had no luck with jobs, all he said was, "Well, Praise the Lord. He is good." Then my heart knew.

I don't know what all of this is that God is doing, but I know His promises and I will lean on those.

"You give and take away, but my heart will choose to say Lord, blessed be Your Name."

"His wife said to him, 'Are you still trying to maintain your integrity? Curse God and die.' But Job replied, 'You talk like a foolish woman. Should we accept only good things from the hand of God and never anything bad?' So in all this, Job said nothing wrong."

If there is one thing I believe...

There has been a theme emerging in my life lately. This earth and the things of it fail. Sometimes they even fail miserably. Money... look at our economy... do I need to say much more? Our bodies and our health fail. Friends, even family are not always there. But here's my theme... God doesn't fail. He "is the same yesterday, today, and forever." That's really all I need to know isn't it?

Some echoes...

"Everlasting, your light will shine when all else fades"

"When all around my soul gives way
He is all my hope and stay"

"Anyone who listens to my teaching and follows it is wise, like a person who builds a house on solid rock. Though the rain comes in torrents and the floodwaters rise and the winds beat against that house, it won't collapse because it is built on bedrock."

"If there is one thing I believe, it is this: God is faithful."

It is well....

Today at church, our guest worship leader was really open with us about things that had been going on in his life and the grace that God poured out on him despite his disobedience. It was really refreshing to hear such gut-wrenching honesty in church. You don't see it much anymore these days. Firewheel is pretty good about it, but it's still a church full of humans so, you know... Well, I was inspired, so here's some honesty...

I'm moving to Denver in eight months to start a church with friends. God called me to do this and I'm still not sure why. I have said yes and will not question his leading, but I am very interested to see what part He has me to play in it. I'm excited about it because it's so full of risk and it will require me to step out into what seems to be an empty space and trust that I will fall on the grace of God. I will be pulled and pushed and changed and worked on and prayerfully, I will become a different person, someone that is less like me and more like God. I'm scared about it because it's so full of risk and I'm still learning to trust God with the unknown. This will require money. Money to move me and all my crap up there, money saved up to live on in case I don't get a job right away. I'm scared because I don't make much money. I'm not a theologically smart person. I know the basics, but if you throw out too many seminary words, you'll lose me completely. Sometimes it's hard for me to meet new people. I can be very shy and awkward. My dad has been without a job for almost a month now... when will he find something and where in this country will God take him? My sweet sweet roommate is dating someone. This kind of thing is brand new for us and I haven't exactly taken it easily. I never realized till now that I didn't like sharing her. We've had some tearful talks and things are looking up, but that's today, I could be bombarded with more lies from the deceiver tomorrow that are easier to believe. I have wondered if she is not meant to come to Denver with me and this is God's plan to wean me off her constant companionship. That's another thing that scares me. My weeks have been emotional lately. I lost the one grandaddy I really knew. I cried about that. I had to watch my uncle who doesn't know the sweet hope that Jesus provides grieve terribly when he saw his daddy's empty shell. I cried about that too. Tears are good for the soul. They remind me that I'm fragile and that I'm not invincible. That I need Jesus, that I need people. They also make me feel alive. Hugs also make me feel alive. Through it all, I wake up everyday and pray desperately to know Jesus, to be changed to be like Him, to experience His grace that day. Just as the worship leader this morning saw grace in the sunrise, God gives it in various ways to me. Today it was in this:

"Whatever my lot, thou hast taught me to say
It is well, it is well with my soul."