Learning Process...

Well, I have been unemployed for over a week now. It has seemed like much, much longer. I have gone back and forth on my feelings toward this situation. There are some days I feel really motivated and get lots done and search for jobs and other days I don't feel like doing anything. I have tried to keep my focus and stick to keeping my priorities straight: 1) God, 2) Jeremy and 3) everything else. It hasn't been easy and there are certainly days when I don't feel like putting in the work to make these my priorities. Some days I feel like making my priorities eating brownies and watching Project Runway. But I don't let myself.

I have been trying to give myself a project every day so that I feel at least a small sense of accomplishment every day. I've also starting working out. I've made it my goal to do some form of physical activity every day. Sometimes its hard to get out and do it, but I always feel better after I do.

My dedication to spending time with God every morning has been really good. Good in the way that He reminds me of His promises every day and I know that He will take care of me and also good in the way that when I make mistakes or learn yet another thing the hard way, I remember it is because God is working on me. He wants to make me holy and so He's got to burn away all these gross parts that I have let grow up in my heart. It really hurts sometimes, but I know that in the end I will be made complete. That's another one of His promises to me.

Yesterday Jeremy and I talked about where I'm at with finding a new job and we came to some conclusions together that I am very content with. There are two possibilities at Denver Rescue Mission right now. One is the coordinator for their clinic and another is a data processsor in their accounting department. I would be happy with either one and I think that they would both pay really well and not to mention, Jeremy and I would work at the same place. Another opportunity I have came through some research. Here in Colorado the requirements to be a preschool teacher are much stricter than in Texas and so my experience alone doesn't cut it. To be qualified as a lead teacher here I would need to take a couple Early Childhood classes at a community college. Well, through some research I found a test I can take that, if passed, will substitute for the two classes I am lacking and qualify me to do what I actually want to do. So where we stand now is that in October I will take this test and hope I pass so that then I can apply for lead teacher spots. In the meantime, I am waiting to hear back about one of these spots available at the mission. If one of them works out, then great, I'll be employed again. If not, then I will find some little job like making coffee to supplement our income until I am qualified to be a preschool teacher. I feel great peace about this plan and continue to pray for God's will to be done. He has been unfailingly good to us so far and I have no reason to doubt He will continue to do so.

I lost my job this week. On Wednesday, my preschool got shut down because of some unresolved issues with licensing and so I'm unemployed now. I realized yesterday that I don't really know what to do with myself now. I've never just been out of work like this. I'm actually kinda happy though. Even after two and a half months working there, I was still on the fence if that was the place I was supposed to be and wanted to be. I think God has greater things in store for me. What that includes I have no idea.

Yesterday I did the lazy, do nothing, mope around because I'm unemployed thing. Today I decided to not let that happen to me. I got up, took a shower, made coffee and spent a major chunk of time with the Lord. I hadn't done that in a long time and it was really good. And much needed. I didn't realize it until this morning, but I've been living with my priorities way out of whack. I would have told you that God came first and then Jeremy and then work and everything else, but in reality work sucked everything out of me and Jeremy just got my leftover energy and time and I never really made time for God at all. I think being temporarily unemployed will help me change that. Now I don't have the excuse of no time and energy for the important things. I'm dedicating myself to putting God first and foremost and Jeremy is a close second. Everything else comes after those two things. Those should be and now will be the most important things in my life.

As far as finding a new job... I have no idea what I'm going to do. It turns out that the position I was working in at Grace, I'm not actually qualified for and unfortunately that is the position that most every child care center is looking to fill. I'm wondering if maybe right now I need to find something that will benefit Jeremy and I more in terms of better pay and real benefits like vacation time and healthcare, rather than going after my heart's desire. I'm praying for wisdom. And lots of it. Because I'm clueless.

I know that God's word is true. And God's word tells me not to worry and it tells me that my heavenly Father most certainly cares for me and that He already knows all my needs. It tells me that He will give me everything I need and it tells me to rejoice when troubles come my way. God's word tells me that He is a refuge and a comfort to all those in need. And it tells me that God is faithful. It tells me that all these things are true and I believe it. I must believe it. He is my only hope. "When all around my soul gives way, He is all my hope and stay."