when it rains, it pours...

One of my dear, dear friends lost her father to cancer on Sunday. The funeral was today and I didn't think I was going to cry, but I did, like a baby. There were so many emotions going through me that all I knew to do was cry. I felt a terrible pain for Jodi and not even being able to imagine what she must be going through, grief for my grandaddy who's only been gone a month rose back to the surface, and then the waterworks really came when I thought about my own precious father and what I would do if I was in Jodi's place.

Tuesday was a difficult day. I found out that morning that Gretchen lost her job at Starbucks for a grave misunderstanding and mistake. The moment I found out it was like a kick in the gut. I lost it. I took my makeup to work that day because I knew it would probably get cried off at least once. And it did. Twice. This is the thing I hate about being grown up and not living at home - I had to sit on the phone and listen to my dear sister cry and only cry with her, I couldn't hug her and hold her tight. That was torture. I had a crisis of faith Tuesday. My head knew all the right answers - God is in control, All things work together for the good of those who love Him, He is still faithful and never lets us go, Rejoice when you are faced with trials because it will refine you, this is not a surprise to Him... blah blah blah... my head knew all that. It took the rest of the day for my heart to know it too. I talked to every member of my family that day. That was good. Thinking of Jodi and another friend who is unsure of their father's faith, I talked to my Dad that night and told him how much I loved him and was so glad to still have him and that I was so very grateful that he never lost his faith (at least to our eyes), that he was always there for us to trust and to trust that He was trusting the Lord. And in the pure humility that is my dad, even at this time when he has still had no luck with jobs, all he said was, "Well, Praise the Lord. He is good." Then my heart knew.

I don't know what all of this is that God is doing, but I know His promises and I will lean on those.

"You give and take away, but my heart will choose to say Lord, blessed be Your Name."

"His wife said to him, 'Are you still trying to maintain your integrity? Curse God and die.' But Job replied, 'You talk like a foolish woman. Should we accept only good things from the hand of God and never anything bad?' So in all this, Job said nothing wrong."