Wanna Be

One of the songs my kids sang in our Thanksgiving program has got me thinking these past few days. This is how it goes...

I like to think about the goodness of the Lord
He gives me everything I need and so much more
So I just wanna lift my hands and say that I love Him
I wanna lift my heart in praise

I wanna be thankful
I wanna be grateful
I wanna remember everything that the Lord has done
I wanna be thankful
I wanna be grateful
I wanna be I wanna be

The words made me think about all the times in the Old Testament that the Isrealites were told to tell future generations about all that the Lord had done so that His name would be great. Well at this time, as the year is getting closer to its end, I want to do just that. I want "think about the goodness of the Lord" and "remember everything that the Lord has done."

Sometimes I wonder why the Lord moved me out of Brownwood. I look back on it now and don't remember any reason that I left. I just did. But also looking back now, I'm beginning to see some of the reasons why. The year that I lived in Fort Worth was such a strange year. It started off kinda rough with no job and all. I thought that had found something really great when I started working full time at Sylvan, but then it turned out to be filled with crap. And in the year that I was living there, I never made any friends (except two at work) or found a church to be involved in. It was such a weird year, it almost seemed pointless. Obviously it wasn't, I learned some important lessons in that year and have some great memories with Sarah. And I still don't know all the ways that the Lord used that year to change me and to mold me, but it was definitely a year of waiting and learning and God was always faithful. He always
gave "me everything I need and so much more."

When I moved to Garland to live with Erin and Kat I had no idea what God had in store. On the days that I was able to teach at Sylvan, I found that I really enjoyed working with the younger kids and had kind of always wanted to work with them. So, thankfully even though I'd never had any actual experience working in a preschool setting, God was faithful and sent me to someone who believed in me. Working with preschool kids I have found where I am supposed to be. I have never felt so fulfilled in a job before and love every day I am there. I have learned so much about kids, about education, about parenting, about myself and about life. I have a close group of friends that I love dearly and I have a great church that I've been involved in for a year now. The Lord is grooming me for an exciting future in Denver with good friends. And while in this past year I have dealt with some really hard things, the Lord was always faithful even when I didn't feel Him near. When Erin and I prayed to meet people and have friends to hang out with in this new city, God sent us a life group filled with the very people who are my dearest friends right now. Every single time I have prayed for financial help (and even the times I have been too proud to ask for help), God has provided for my every need, down to the cent. I have never gone hungry. I have never even gone without some things that are not necessities (tv, internet, clothes I hardly wear). When my grandaddy died, the Lord surrounded me with family and people who were eager to soothe and comfort. When half of my family went jobless for long periods of time, God never once failed to provide comfort, encouragament and food on the table every night. And even now in the struggles of learning to let go of people I love and learning to trust that God will follow through on the deepest desires of my heart in His own time, He is still faithful. It may be little things that show me He is still working all things for my good, or sometimes I may not even believe that, but looking back and seeing the way He has worked in the past, I can only fall on my knees and praise Him. He. is. soo. faithful.

So "I wanna be thankful
I wanna be grateful
I wanna remember everything that the Lord has done
I wanna be thankful
I wanna be grateful."

Lord, I wanna be. I am. I'm grateful for your faithfulness. Your unfailing, neverending faithfulness. Even in the dark. Faithfulness. "I just wanna lift my hands and say that I love Him."

A Quiet Heart

I want to preface this by saying first to those who do read this, I'm sorry if this seems to be a sad type of blog, but I find that I am most in a writing mood when my spirit has been crushed. Tonight it is only slightly crushed, but I find myself in the zone to write. Secondly, I don't know who actually reads this, so I apologize if the things I say tonight are vague.

There have been some interesting things in my life these days. Two things that lay at the forefront. One is a difficulty that I have been wrestling with for some time now and when it seems to be changing for the better, I turn the corner and there is another dark valley. I feel like I know a fraction of the emotions a mother goes through when her children grow up and she slowly realizes that they don't need her as much anymore, that they have found others to "take her place", so to speak. Of course, they could never love the others as much as their dear mother, at least not for a long time maybe and there will always be a very special place in their heart for their mother, but nonetheless, she is needed and relied upon and thought of less and less. That is how I feel. The difficult thing with this is when I am alone with me and my thoughts and the Lord, I can claim the promises of God and pray until I feel I have peace about it, but as soon as this situation presents itself, which is often, I just don't know how to act. I fumble alot and probably come off looking like a jerk. Ay, this is my biggest trouble these days. It brings tears to my eyes and I don't know how to move past it when it so blatantly stares me in the face.

The other interesting thing is just that: interesting. I did my time of unfulfilling foolishness for this one. And thankfully I am out of that and prayerfully will stay out of it. Now my "lot and my portion" is to wait. And Lord knows how difficult it is for me to wait.

But not all is dark and gloom. Most days in fact are covered in sunshine. Here are just some of those heart-warming rays:

-the sound of pounding rain on my roof right now

-a sweet and sincere compliment

-making dinner for friends

-50 cent movies

-the warmth of my kids faces against my cold hands every morning

-the contagious giggling of Maddie

-Sophia's loving cry of "Befney!!" followed by her small arms tight around my neck

-Jessika and Meagan fighting over who gets to sit in my lap

-the way Gabriel says my name - "Tetaly"

-the outcries of "Bethany I took a nap for you!" when I come back from my lunch break

-good hair days

-knowing that I have accomplished something

Yes, my kids dominate those rays of sunshine. Kids have an innate ability to heal a wounded heart. They are just good for the soul. But there are other people as well who make me smile wide at the way they touch my life without even knowing it.

These words have been great comfort to me:

" 'Lord, You have assigned me my portion and my cup; You have made my lot secure.' Psalm 16:5 My portion. My cup. My lot is secure. My heart can be at peace. My Father is in charge. How simple! ... A quiet heart is content with what God gives. It is enough. All is grace." -Elisabeth Elliot

And so I pray for a quiet heart.

Fun with iTunes

Just something fun... hit shuffle on your iTunes and see what happens..

How am I feeling today?
Breathe by Sixpence None the Richer

Will I get far in life?
Who You Are by Nichole Nordeman

How do my friends see me?
Give It Away by Red Hot Chili Peppers

When will I get Married?
Simple Melody by Sonya Kitchell


Will I ever have children?
Deathbed by Relient K (that's so sad...)




What is my current theme song?
Dare You To Move by Switchfoot




What does everyone else think my current theme song is?
Wonderful Maker by Matt Redman

What is my best friend's theme song?
Adonai by O.C. Supertones

What is the story of my life?
Pass Me Not by Robbie Seay Band

What was highschool like?
The Long Way Around by Dixie Chicks (hahaha... ironic)

How can I get ahead in life?
Why by Nichole Nordeman

What is the best thing about me?
You Answer Me by Nichole Nordeman

How is today going to be?
Run To You by Ginny Owens (I'm already feeling that...)

What is in store for this weekend?
Anything by Third Day

What is the perfect song to describe my parents?
Hold On To Jesus by O.C. Supertones (true.)

To describe my grandparents?
Hotel Song by Regina Spektor

How is my life going?
Mystery of Mercy by Caedmon's Call (also true.)

What song will they play at my funeral?
Thriller by Michael Jackson (hahaha...)

How does the world see me?
Can't Hurry Love by Phil Collins (this is my life story... clearly...)

Will I have a happy life?
Samson by Regina Spektor

What do my friends really think of me?
Miles Apart by Yellowcard (aw.)

How can I make myself happy?
Nothing Without You by Bebo Norman

What should I do with my life?
She Will Be Loved by Maroon 5

What is some good advice for me?
Lullaby by Dixie Chicks

How will I be remembered?
Echo by Incubus

What is my signature dancing song?
Feelings Show by Colbie Caillat


Seriously, out of 4000+ songs, thats what iTunes came up with? Geez, I think my shuffle might be broken...