Wanna Be

One of the songs my kids sang in our Thanksgiving program has got me thinking these past few days. This is how it goes...

I like to think about the goodness of the Lord
He gives me everything I need and so much more
So I just wanna lift my hands and say that I love Him
I wanna lift my heart in praise

I wanna be thankful
I wanna be grateful
I wanna remember everything that the Lord has done
I wanna be thankful
I wanna be grateful
I wanna be I wanna be

The words made me think about all the times in the Old Testament that the Isrealites were told to tell future generations about all that the Lord had done so that His name would be great. Well at this time, as the year is getting closer to its end, I want to do just that. I want "think about the goodness of the Lord" and "remember everything that the Lord has done."

Sometimes I wonder why the Lord moved me out of Brownwood. I look back on it now and don't remember any reason that I left. I just did. But also looking back now, I'm beginning to see some of the reasons why. The year that I lived in Fort Worth was such a strange year. It started off kinda rough with no job and all. I thought that had found something really great when I started working full time at Sylvan, but then it turned out to be filled with crap. And in the year that I was living there, I never made any friends (except two at work) or found a church to be involved in. It was such a weird year, it almost seemed pointless. Obviously it wasn't, I learned some important lessons in that year and have some great memories with Sarah. And I still don't know all the ways that the Lord used that year to change me and to mold me, but it was definitely a year of waiting and learning and God was always faithful. He always
gave "me everything I need and so much more."

When I moved to Garland to live with Erin and Kat I had no idea what God had in store. On the days that I was able to teach at Sylvan, I found that I really enjoyed working with the younger kids and had kind of always wanted to work with them. So, thankfully even though I'd never had any actual experience working in a preschool setting, God was faithful and sent me to someone who believed in me. Working with preschool kids I have found where I am supposed to be. I have never felt so fulfilled in a job before and love every day I am there. I have learned so much about kids, about education, about parenting, about myself and about life. I have a close group of friends that I love dearly and I have a great church that I've been involved in for a year now. The Lord is grooming me for an exciting future in Denver with good friends. And while in this past year I have dealt with some really hard things, the Lord was always faithful even when I didn't feel Him near. When Erin and I prayed to meet people and have friends to hang out with in this new city, God sent us a life group filled with the very people who are my dearest friends right now. Every single time I have prayed for financial help (and even the times I have been too proud to ask for help), God has provided for my every need, down to the cent. I have never gone hungry. I have never even gone without some things that are not necessities (tv, internet, clothes I hardly wear). When my grandaddy died, the Lord surrounded me with family and people who were eager to soothe and comfort. When half of my family went jobless for long periods of time, God never once failed to provide comfort, encouragament and food on the table every night. And even now in the struggles of learning to let go of people I love and learning to trust that God will follow through on the deepest desires of my heart in His own time, He is still faithful. It may be little things that show me He is still working all things for my good, or sometimes I may not even believe that, but looking back and seeing the way He has worked in the past, I can only fall on my knees and praise Him. He. is. soo. faithful.

So "I wanna be thankful
I wanna be grateful
I wanna remember everything that the Lord has done
I wanna be thankful
I wanna be grateful."

Lord, I wanna be. I am. I'm grateful for your faithfulness. Your unfailing, neverending faithfulness. Even in the dark. Faithfulness. "I just wanna lift my hands and say that I love Him."